dollification. doll fetish. dolls. dolly. dollie. dollific.

dollification: the process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a "living doll."
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 Post subject: Understanding dollification.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:24 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:36 am
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Location: United States
Yesterday, when I joined this site... my plan was to do nothing more than read the fora and gather information. As I read over the posts, I found myself feeling confusion, yet understanding.

I have never given much thought to being a doll, yet as I read what serious posters have posted on the subject... some of my behaviors that never made sense are now trying to make sense. It's a feeling of the pieces that have never quite fit, possibly finding the perfect fit. I've never been one to share a lot of personal information for the scrutiny of the public eye, but this is something I want to understand... I need to understand. It was such a slap in the face, that it affected my sleep last night.
I'd like honest feedback... even if it might be something I don't wish to hear. I'm not looking to be coddled or for a fuck buddy... I'm looking for input and opinions from people that are experienced in this type of thing.

About me...
I'm 39 and have had submissive tendencies for as long as I can recall. I have always enjoyed serving and pleasing others, and more times than not, it has caused me emotional hurts. I have lived as a slave and was collared with chain and masterlock for quite some time. During the time I was collared, the piece never came off except to be cleaned. It brought much scrutiny from public eye, but it made me feel cherished and loved. I have not been collared since that relationship ended.
I find myself attracted to dolls and puppets. Yet, I also fear them.
On a profile on another site, I have Sally from The Nightmare before Christmas as one of my user pics. I feel a kinship with her that I can’t really explain. I never gave it much thought until visiting this site yesterday. I’ve also written several pieces of poetry and a few stories that involve being made into a doll or puppet… without giving it much thought during the process of creating.
I enjoy being told what to wear and how to conduct myself.
I have undergone some very apparent body modifications. I’ve had breast implants that are quite large as well as my tummy sculpted so that my waist would be more defined. I don’t completely understand why I went with such a drastic change, but it feels right. It wasn’t to draw attention… it was to make me feel like I have come into my own.
I’ve always enjoyed being objectified, but to what extreme, I don’t know.
I’m highly masochistic and truly enjoy painful pleasures.
I stumble around quite a bit looking for that hole (the emptiness feeling) to be filled without it really happening. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s perhaps bottomless.
I want to be nurtured and cared for.. but then, don’t we all?
I want to share in depravities and know that it’s ok to want to please to that extent. That it doesn’t mean there is ‘something wrong’ with me.
It’s not about fitting in, it’s about being accepted for being myself and not feeling like something is always missing.

I look forward to reading your opinions and advice.

Thanks.

~bound~


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 Post subject: Re: Understanding dollification.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:00 am 
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Marcus; Thank you for replying.

I agree that we are all a work in progress. Life, for me anyway, is about forever growing and evolving.

Perhaps my struggle is due to not being mastered, but it's important to me that i be mastered by the right person. I think, especially when dealing with self-exploration, that another person not taint ideas by attempting to take control of a mind. I am experiencing a lot of confusion right now, and i'm not so sure that another person telling me what i should or should not be, is such a good idea.

I posted because I want to understand, not because I am seeking. To seek at this point wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved, i don't think. I do believe i will be owned again... owned in every sense of the word. I also think that with this epiphany, will come great rewards of happiness... And, ultimately, that is what i seek.


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 Post subject: Re: Understanding dollification.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:05 pm 
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First, welcome _bound_, and thank you for this contribution. I'm sure there are many reading here who will appreciate the candour of your post, and understand from experience your sense of confusion.

Having said that, it appears that you are already exhibiting a great deal more self-awareness than many who are drawn to this. So often, there are unrealistic expectations of what the dollification process can be, and how it may bring fulfillment, from both potential dolls and owners. I was giving some consideration to a response to your OP, but this in particular stood out from your second post...
_bound_ wrote:
I posted because I want to understand, not because I am seeking. To seek at this point wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved, i don't think. I do believe i will be owned again... owned in every sense of the word.

With due respect to Marcus, I have to agree with you that now is not the time to seek ownership, and that direction conditioned by another's will and prejudice (used advisedly) would be counter-productive at this time. Just as one who seeks to be a Master must first prove mastery of himself (and indeed, one who seeks to be an owner must first 'own' himself), it is incumbent on a doll/sub/slave to understand herself and her own needs and desires, before offering herself for ownership.

Too few understand the importance of this, imo. A d/s interaction, whatever it's micro-definition, should occur between self-aware individuals, who each bring their own value to the situation. It's a two way interaction, not the filling of an empty vessel. The whole may then become greater than the sum of the parts. It is delusional to believe that in the real world, as opposed to fantasy, an owner can or should create a doll from a completely blank form.

If a dollification process is to take place, the doll must understand herself, and communicate that understanding, just as the owner must understand himself. In a reciprocal relationship between human beings, this must always come first.....then and only then can they hope to fully understand each other. The ideal state for a doll may be to be owned and loved, but a doll can be a doll without an owner, and a dollification process can be self-directed in the absence of an owner. Indeed, for those for whom it is their essence, or a part of their essence, it must be so.

_________________
Speak to me
The language of love
The language of violence
The language of the heart

PJ Harvey

Ken Zen Ichi Nyo


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 Post subject: Re: Understanding dollification.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 2:28 pm 
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SeigiNingyoushi; Thank You for the welcome and for sharing your insight.

I know myself well, but am forever learning. I also know that for me to offer myself to anyone at this point would be disastrous. I just possibly became aware of a part of me that has always made me feel like i really didn't fit. After doing some limited online research, this most likely is that missing piece that always made me feel like i was different.

When i decided to have body modifications, it wasn't due to another persons attempts to change my physical appearance... i wanted to change my physical appearance and i did. I am more than pleased with the results, even though at times i do draw looks and sometimes stares. As i stated before, i never went through the body mods for attention... i feel beautiful and at home in my new body. I don't really understand those that have body mods to please another and not themselves, for some mods cannot be undone. I also think if you desire mods, get them, don't depend on another to pay for your modifications. If you desire to become doll-like, then do so. But, if it's not something that you are doing to sate that burn in your very core.. then why do it? I understand all too well about pleasing and obeying... i adore those attributes in one that claims to be submissive. I, too, enjoy pleasing and obeying others.... but, had i not wanted to be modified, then i would still look as i did before. I also would have never expected another to pay for my procedures, unless of course, i was already owned. If owned, i think your Owner should already know you well enough that his/her decision for what is to be done for the transformation is very much compatible with what you felt like becoming before you came to be owned.

I think i got off topic, but i feel passionate about what i have discovered...especially at my age and perhaps finally finding that missing piece to the puzzle that is called me.


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