dollification. doll fetish. dolls. dolly. dollie. dollific.

dollification: the process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a "living doll."
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 Post subject: Don't Let This Doll's Dream End
PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 8:01 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:44 pm
Posts: 3
For those of you who read the introduction I had posted a week or so ago, you know just the very surface of what I am here for and who I am. I came here in hopes of finding others to talk to, share with, and learn from. I wanted to use what I learned here to enhance who I wanted to truly be which was a doll. I knew from the time I started learning about what a doll really was that this is what I wanted to evolve into. Regardless of how things are turning out for me, I still believe that this is a great forum and that there are a lot of good people out here. I have had some responses to my postings and have felt this to be the case because of some of those responses I received.

I have always been told that I was too trusting for my own good. I was taught to find the good in people instead of focusing on those things that could potentially be negative or bad. At times, I found that because of my poor judgment, that would come back to bite me in the ass in ways that I never imagined. Case in point, meeting someone online early last year, I worked up a friendship with them and it turned out to be someone who would later seek me out in a very obsessive manner. After a few scares with this person, I learned to not be so trusting of others to some extent.

I was hesitant about continuing to talk online but did so but in a more cautious manner. I did, in fact, meet someone new and very special online last summer. At the time I met Him, I was not a very trusting soul because of things that had happened – one of which I mentioned above. I came into the “friendship/relationship” with Him very cautious and not willing to share who I really was. His first words to me online were “Hello doll.” At the time I had no idea what that really meant. To me the word doll was just a term of endearment, a kind word regarding how someone looked. I never dreamed what it really meant for some time. We slipped into being able to share mail back and forth quickly and easily with much to talk about and shared photos. We had things in common that kept the mail interesting and I asked many questions because I was intrigued by comments He would make to me in the things that He wrote and also by some of the photos I had seen of Him. Beyond mail, we started chatting via IM and soon after, phone and text. Conversation was good and we always found things to talk about or share.

This was someone I learned to trust more easily than I thought I would because His words were always spoken with confidence and there was never any doubt in my mind that He was being honest. He taught me a lot about myself and a lot about what being submissive means and how to become a doll. He was always very patient with me even though there were times I was trying that patience or just plain being complicated. Something I had written a few years back and shared with Him was the following which confirmed that there was something unique about me but I just did not know what it was until I met Him.

There is something special about me
something hidden inside
There is something wanting to come out
something I cannot hide
There is something to be shared
something for a special one
There is something in my soul
something once started, cannot be undone

Who will help me find it
will they be able to uncover what is hidden
What will that something be
is it truly something special
When will this happen
will it take forever
Where will I be in life when it happens
will it be soon or too late
Why do I need to find this

...because it is part of who I truly am

One thing that I did not do very well was listen to what He told me. I was very impatient and wanted to know everything - right now. Because He was busy but mostly because I was impatient, I wanted to somewhat seek out others locally to talk to. I had been warned about those who would love to basically get their hands on me because I was so new to all of this – virgin as I was told. I didn’t think that talking to others would lead to where it went because this was actually someone I worked with. I thought it was harmless especially being someone I already knew. I was wrong and I should have listened. This person caused me much grief and brought someone else into my life that would eventually show me what the true meaning of “bad people” was. An event that needs no detail but something I will live with for the rest of my life. I was only curious and was only looking for information. I never shared much about myself with them but these people were more than willing to share all about who they were. It was nothing like what I had been taught or told by the person I met online and learned to trust which was about a mutual respect between the Dom and sub. It was quite the opposite. It was not based on anything but treating your submissive like a piece of garbage, a slut, a piece of ass, a common prostitute. Granted, I have read some things of this nature here but nothing like these inbred people I knew were into. Nothing close to what I have read here. This was my first and last very large mistake. Why do I tell you this? Trust is huge and if you don’t trust…don’t get involved. This whole event was a major setback for me and where I was with the true person I wanted to commit myself in the doll sense to.

There were some other things that have gone on during these past several months that have impacted where I am with becoming a doll but I was getting there. Things happened but I never stopped wanting to be a doll. Now because of all the bullshit, but finally getting my life back on track, I feel as though I am running out of time. Too many times asking for time to get on track and delaying the things that He wanted because of it. It’s not His fault but my own. I am very well aware.

Over the time that I have known Him, I grew fonder of Him every day. I shared things with Him that I never shared with anyone. He taught me things about me that I never knew I was capable of or that I knew were even part of me. The one major thing was the fact that I had a truly submissive side. Once I knew what this was, it’s never left my mind. I wrote stories for Him, sent photos (some every day kind of photos and as of late, some very revealing), I sent Him gifts, and just appreciated who He was despite all that I had going on personally. I know that I made Him laugh and smile at times and that the stories I wrote for Him made His mind and body stir. I have a great imagination but it was only for those things that I truly wanted to have happen. I never lost sight of Him and what I wanted with Him. I have realized that where I live, there are no good people to talk to and I will never cross that line again.

I came here to dollification looking for people to relate to so that I could continue to learn and share but now I am fearful that my time is coming to an end. I don’t think He will ever truly know how devastated I am going to be if this all ends. Time is important for healing but too much time is what’s killing my dream of being a doll. I hope that He will understand some day that I want to be the doll of His dreams and that I have the ability to make so much come true. What I need to understand is that it’s not all about me but it’s about Him as well and what He wants and needs. As He told me, my fear of being rejected and not doing as He asked only causes rejection.

...closetdoll


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